life through my eyes...

Sigh.

2011-07-26T09:17:00.002-05:00

I cannot get motivated to blog these days. Like that surprises the 1.5 readers who actually read this thing. It's not that I don't have anything to blog about. I do, actually. I have thoughts about things and stuff going on in life that I fully intend to sit down and post about, but at the end of the day it's just not very high on my list of priorities (in fact, I would submit that it's even on the list at all). And me being such the perfectionist that I am, decide in my head that if I can't throw myself into blogging PERFECTLY, then why bother at all? What's the point? Then I feel guilty for failing to maintain said blog when I great intentions of doing so when I first started the thing way back in the day. Whatever. I'm hereby releasing myself from the idea that just because I have a blog somehow means that I have to keep up with it, and releasing myself from the guilt I feel when I fail to live up to my expectations of doing it perfectly like others on the worldwide web.

Ahh, that felt good. :)

Overheard at the Casa

2011-07-14T10:41:00.002-05:00

Tuesday night I was sitting in my room playing on my computer. My mom was in the study working on her computer. I knew the TV was on and I assumed it was tuned in to the news like the TV in the living room. I hear her yell in my direction, "I wish we'd gotten to see her memorial service!" I assume she's talking about Betty Ford, since the news had been talking about it all day, and I comment to her that, according to people on Twitter, they showed it live on the west coast and pre-empted shows for it and it went on forever. Then this happened:

Mom: "Huh? Who are you talking about?"
Me: "Betty Ford. Who are YOU talking about?"
Mom: "Oh, I'm talking about Gigi on One Life to Live."

Awesome.

The best part of the exchange is that we didn't even miss a beat in the conversation. We kept right on going, discussing how the writers of the show really should have shown Gigi's memorial service since her death has been such a huge deal- with Todd paying someone off so his son Jack doesn't have to pay for his involvement in her death, how Clint got her heart when he was on the brink of dying from heart failure, Rex getting the keys to the Buchanan castle, etc.

We have our priorities straight in our house.

What Student Ministries Has Taught Me

2011-05-10T22:33:00.002-05:00

I'm 28. I want to meet the boy, fall in love, get engaged, plan a wedding, and get married. I want to have babies, be a stay-at-home mom, and have my days dictated by play dates, feeding schedules, and naptimes.

I don't, however, want those babies to grow up to be teenagers.

That's what serving in student ministries has taught me.

The highest highs and the lowest lows. The joys, the struggles, the "I don't knows," the shrugs, the eye rolls, the "I know, but I don't care because he's cutes," the blank stares, the late-night texts and phone calls, the "ah-ha!" moments. Rewarding? Absolutely. Challenging? No doubt. There are times I'm very grateful these 16 sweet junior high girls are not mine. I love them to pieces. They bring me great joy. They also make me reconsider my desire to have children, knowing those children will inevitably grow up to be teenagers. :)

I'm also brought to my knees in gratitude when I remember there's One who loves these girls more than I or their parents ever could, and is committed to their growth and sanctification far more than I ever could be.

When I fall short, He is always faithful.

That's also what serving in student ministries has taught me.

The End

2011-04-15T15:35:00.003-05:00

Warning: This post is going to be ranty. And it's a rant about something which the majority of the human race cares nothing about. Judge me if you want, it's ok. I don't care.

ABC Daytime President (in my head I'm inserting a not-so-nice name for him right now) Brian Frons announced yesterday that the network would be cancelling All My Children and One Life to Live. All My Children's last air date will be in September; One Life to Live's will be next January. Rant #1: he announced this to the cast and crew of the shows about 15 minutes before he announced it to the press. Most of the cast and crew of the shows apparently weren't able to make it to the called-at-the-last-minute meeting, and so they found out via text message from cast-mates or from reporters calling to get their reaction. Classy, Frons. Very classy.

Not only that (here comes rant #2), but rumors have been circulating for weeks- months even- that one or both of the shows could be facing possible cancellation. Frons' response those rumors was to put the minds of the cast, crew, and viewers at ease by assuring them of ABC's commitment to all three soaps and that they had no plans to pull the plug on any of the shows anytime soon. He said that two weeks ago, but acknowledged in an interview yesterday that the decision to cancel both soaps has been in the works for a few weeks now. I hate it when people are dishonest and PURPOSELY and INTENTIONALLY deceive people. These are people's jobs we're talking about. Like 1,000 people were fired yesterday and in every single interview Frons gave yesterday, you could tell he was cavalier about the whole thing. Interestingly, video surfaced today of Frons' announcement to the cast and crew (he gave the announcement in person to AMC, which shoots in LA, and it was video linked to OLTL, which shoots in NYC). He actually laughed at several points during the announcement. He laughed! I'm glad your salary and bonus are still in tact, but what about those 1,000+ people you just fired? Still funny?

Rant #3: they're replacing AMC and OLTL with two lifestyle shows. One is called The Chew (are you kidding me? The Chew?!) and it focuses on food. The other is a weight loss/makeover show called The Revolution. I'm curious to know what research they looked at that indicated women 18-49 would rather have MORE reality shows on tv than shows we've invested YEARS of our lives in. We have entire networks devoted to food and style shows- why more?!

This part isn't really a rant...more a sigh. I've grown up watching soaps. I still watch them (granted I watch General Hospital, which will remain on the air...for now). A waste of time? Probably. But I can't separate memories of my childhood from All My Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital. My mom would record OLTL and GH during the day, and we'd sit down at night and watch them while she graded papers and I did homework. I scheduled classes around my soaps in college. These characters have become like family members after 28 years. I watch Kelly Ripa on Regis and Kelly and remember her as punk teenager Haley Vaughn on AMC (incidentally, she met and married hubby Mark on AMC). I remember each and every one of Vicki's alternate personalities on OLTL (her portrayer, Erika Slezak, has been on the show for 40 years...40 YEARS!). What reality show has the potential to stay on the air for 40+ years? Or inspire the kind of loyalty that keeps viewers tuning in five days a week, 365 days a year, year after year after year?

Here is a great article to read on the cancellation news, why it happened, and why it sucks.

Happy Tears

2011-04-13T23:08:00.002-05:00

Today is a happy day! It seems I've cried more tears of sorrow, grief, fear, doubt, confusion, etc. in the past year or so than I care to recall (and I'm not really a big crier), but like the title of this post indicates, today...happy tears!

My friend/old roomie, Becky, and her husband, Kevin (who I happened to go to junior high and high school with, go figure), live overseas. As they've prayed and sought to start their family, they've lost two sweet little ones who are now at home with Jesus. Their heart has been to adopt one day, and that day is now! They've been going through the process of adopting two precious little boys (or "Afri-kids" as Beck calls them) from Ethiopa. It's been so fun to read about their journey and to see partial pictures (because they can't show their faces) of these children they prayed would become theirs.

Today Kevin and Becky heard the official words in court: "They are yours." Praise Jesus!

You don't want to miss this post- I love seeing them with their beautiful little boys!

Indeed, God is good!

Whew!

2011-04-09T21:01:00.003-05:00

We made it back from our five-day trip to New York yesterday afternoon. What a week! I'll blog about all of it later (maybe), but for now, you can look at the pictures.

Quick recap...

Highs: great family time, yummy (and definitely weird) food, lots of sights I've always wanted to see.

Lows: introvert's worst nightmare (after several days anyway) and a severely injured knee.

Enjoy the pics!

Can't Hardly Wait

2011-04-02T13:04:00.007-05:00

I'm leaving on Monday to spend five days with the family here...

And we're staying here...

And I can't stop doing this...

Hell? YES.

2011-03-16T08:55:00.004-05:00

So much has been said lately and is still being said with regard to Rob Bell and his new book, Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived.

The Resurgence has put together a wonderfully helpful resource that outlines the chronology of the Rob Bell controversy on this issue of Hell, beginning with the video trailer for the book. You can find the timeline here.

These were particularly noteworthy for me as I tried to understand exactly what Bell was getting at (as much as one can understand what he actually believes, anyway):

• Justin Taylor- the first response

• Tim Challies- the first book review

• Kevin DeYoung- a more extensive (think ~20 pages) book review

In addition, here's just one of the interviews Rob Bell has done. MSNBC really pushed back hard here, challenging him to defend his views. He can't.

Lord, may you grant us abundant grace and wisdom to be people who correctly handle the Word of Truth (2 Timothy 2:15)!

Doubt

2011-03-07T11:12:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I inadvertently slept through my alarm for an hour and missed church. Oops. No worries though. Watermark Radio is one of the neatest inventions since Diet Dr. Pepper so I got caught up on what I missed this morning. Blake Holmes was filling in for Todd and I love me some Blake Holmes! He spoke on doubt- is it ok, where does it lead us, what do we do with it? Here are a couple of things that he said that stood out to me...

Apathy + doubt = disaster.

The solution for doubt is not certainty, but submission to the Lord's providential will.

And a great quote from Madeleine L'Engle- "Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God and not in God himself."

If you want to watch/listen to Blake's message, check it out here.

Lately...in pictures.

2011-02-23T12:53:00.004-06:00

Here are some pics from life as of late (in no particular order). A couple date back to the holiday season.

Just pics. No stories/explanations. If you want to get creative, you can make up your own. Or I MIGHT get around to actually blogging about them at some point... :)

Rhythm: DTown 2011

2011-02-22T15:54:00.004-06:00

This past weekend was DTown! I got to spend the entire weekend with 13 of my sweet small group girls, plus about 600+ students and leaders. We had a great time! I'm amazed at how quickly my littles are growing up- Angie (my co-leader) and I spent a lot less time this weekend parenting/policing/micromanaging them than we usually have to and just got to ENJOY them! It was such a sweet time staying up late laughing, eating, debating which movies are/aren't appropriate to watch at DTown and why (ahh, the teachable moments), digging into John 15 and letting God's truth speak to our hearts and lives, and just having a blast playing together. I LOVE these girls SO much!

Saturday night at DTown always includes a huge after party after club and small group time. This year's activities included inflatables, sumo wrestling, jousting, dodge ball, laser tag, and KARAOKE! This was my favorite part, by far.

Several of my girls got up to rock out, but they didn't go the traditional karaoke route with NSync, Journey, Michael Jackson, or Taylor Swift. Nope, not my girls. They did me proud by choosing Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle." Eighth grade anthem? Perhaps.

And since I can't the video to post, you'll just have to use your imagination. I'll try posting it to Facebook later. :)

Understanding is Unnecessary

2011-02-05T10:47:00.002-06:00

On December 16th (51 days ago, but who's counting?) my grandmother had a stroke. She spent a few days in the hospital, and since then has moved to rehab and then to a nursing home. We're moving her to a new assisted living place- hopefully today, but the weather has thrown several wrenches into that plan in the past few days, so who knows if that will actually happen or not.

My grandmother has had dementia for years now, but it's gotten worse since her stroke. The stroke has brought on depression too, which is not uncommon for stroke patients. As much as I love my grandmother, spending time with her lately has just been hard. Because of the dementia and depression and her extreme aversion to change (hmmm, that's where I get it!), my mom and I didn't break the news to her until yesterday that we're moving her to a new assisted living place from the one she's been living for the past couple of years. We weren't sure how she'd react, and we wanted to minimize confusion for her and guilt for us.

She took it pretty well, surprisingly. We walked her through what we thought today would look like schedule-wise several times while we were there. When we were getting ready to leave my mom asked her if she understood what's going to happen today and she responded with, "Well, whether I understand or not, I guess I'll go."

There's a lesson there, no? I don't always understand what's happening in my life or why. I don't always understand the big picture of what the Lord is up to or where He's taking me. But ultimately, understanding is unnecessary. I'm simply called to go. Follow. Obey. Trust.

Thanks for the reminder, Maw Maw.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

2011-01-26T10:56:00.004-06:00

Jake's Pro Shop

Mia's Day Care

Sophie

2011-01-25T16:20:00.005-06:00

So next month, I will have had Sophie for two years. TWO years! Where does the time go?

Sigh.

I sound like a nostalgic parent. As such, I'm going to bombard you with some of my favorite Sophie pics from the past almost-two years. Enjoy!

Busted. Snap.

Sophie loves her Aunt Lala! And her crook! Pretty sure we'd been having a discussion about Laura being furiously mad at Spencer when this pic was taken... :)

Sophie on Benadryl. Much, much calmer Sophie.

Doesn't she look SO pretty in her Christmas dress?! Nevermind that look she's giving me. She looks pretty, dang it!

Birds! In the chimney! They sound a little angry...

This is what Sophie does when it's nice and pretty outside. Lots of lounging in sun. While she destroys toys.

This is probably my favorite picture. I hate this cat. I love the look Sophie is giving me while I let said cat eat her food while she sits and waits patiently for me to tell her she can eat HER food that the cat is eating.

This is how Sophie sleeps at night. And how she sleeps when we take naps during the day. She's not spoiled AT ALL.

This water bowl is so much bigger than the one in the kitchen! Why do they make it so hard to reach though?

Oh Sophie....you're a special one!

Currently Reading

2011-01-01T01:30:00.008-06:00

For some reason that is far beyond my comprehension, I haven't been to bed before about 3:00 a.m. in over a week. I had big plans for that to change tonight, New Year's Eve, of all nights, but alas, it's 1:30 a.m. and Sophie and I are watching the Princess Bride. And blogging.

Here's what I'm currently reading...

House Rules by Jodi Picoult- It's all my special ed stuff meets Bones. Fascinating stuff about an Aspie kid who gets into crime solving and then becomes the prime suspect in a case because people don't understand Asperberger's. Greatness

The Duggars: 20 and Counting by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar- I've caught their show on TLC a few times, most recently a marathon when Maw Maw was in the hospital. Intrigued by how they do what they do, decided I'd buy the book and check it out. So far, it's pretty good. Only a little on the "What the heck?" side.

And lastly,

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens- By far, my favorite book I read in high school. Probably, quite honestly, the only book I read cover-to-cover in high school. Inspired by Nathan to pick it up again as I approach year 28 of my life.

Jesus & Kenny Loggins

2010-12-29T21:48:00.002-06:00

Ok, bloggy friends. I have to tell you about a blog I found awhile back. I can't keep it to myself anymore. It's just wrong and selfish.

Friends, meet Hyperbole and a Half.

It has brought much joy to my life. Much laughter. Even tears...because of all the laughter. You'll learn quickly that enjoying a beverage while reading this particular blog is an exercise in futility, as said beverage will only end up spewed all over the floor.

Some of my favorite posts:

• The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas

• The Party

• Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving

• Expectations vs. Reality

• This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult

Enjoy reading, dear bloggy friends. And I'm serious about that beverage thing. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Quiz time!

2010-12-29T18:40:00.002-06:00

Today I....

a) slept until after 9:00 a.m.

b) went on a scavenger hunt through my house, matching Christmas knick-knacks to the dozen or so boxes on the dining room table so they can go back into the attic.

c) did roughly six loads of laundry.

d) loaded, ran, and unloaded the dishwasher.

e) read half of my new Duggars: 20 and Counting book.

f) played Angry Birds for approximately 1.5 hours.

g) drank four Diet Dr. Peppers.

h) cooked dinner.

i) stayed in my jammers all day.

j) all of the above.

And it's only 6:45 p.m.

Poor neglected blog...

2010-12-28T11:57:00.002-06:00

How has it been almost a month since my last post? Because December is always nutso crazy, that's why. And this month has proved to be extra on the crazy. Fits in with the theme of this year, I suppose.

So what's been going on this month? Well, it's kind of a blur. LOTS of toddler time, never-ending sinus infection, small group Christmas party, Maw Maw's stroke and move to rehab, and Kevin and Matt's whirlwind trip to Dallas for Christmas. Just thinking about all of that makes me want to go curl up on the couch and take a nap.

Perhaps I'll get around to posting my thoughts on 2010 at some point this week. No promises though.

Fighting for Thankfulness

2010-11-30T09:28:00.002-06:00

On the whole, 2010 has not been fun. Sure, it's had its hight points. And yes, it's been one of those years that I can look back and see how the Lord has challenged me and sharpened me through the past 12 months. Later on I'm sure I'll appreciate that, but right now I look back at certain things and think, "Wow- that was this year? Holy crap!" It's been that kind of year. Not just for me though (2009 was that kind of year for just me). It's been that kind of year for the people around me too, which makes it even crazier.

I realized, as last week was Thanksgiving, that I've struggled to be thankful this year as I've walked through various difficult circumstances, whether my own or with close friends walking through their own various difficult circumstances. I've realized how hard I have to FIGHT for thankfulness right now. That's kind of ridiculous, given how utterly blessed I am. And the thing is, I know that I'm blessed. I see and understand that every single day that I wake up in my my bed in my mom's house (sidenote: I've heard people say that being married reveals to a person how much sin truly exists in their heart; so does moving back home at 27). I also understand this every time my mom nags me about something- given that she was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 months ago, I'm glad she can nag me at all.

The Lord commands us to give thanks in ALL circumstances- this is hard! It's hard when I've watched one of my best friends grieve the loss of two babies in the past nine months. It's hard when caring for my grandmother grows more challenging every day. It's hard watching someone I love say goodbye to yet another family member, reliving the memories of losing both his dad and his brother. It's hard when what I want for my life looks so vastly different than the present reality, and realizing how much I struggle to accept that. It's just plain hard sometimes to give thanks for the crappy stuff.

But I love that God meets me in this place. That I can tell Him honestly that I wish we could all get a do-over of 2010 and ask for something worth being thankful for. And I can picture Him nodding His head in understanding, because by His design and sovereign purpose it's been that kind of year for some of us (some more so than others). And I pray for grace to be thankful- that He would teach me what it means to have a thankful heart, that He would give me eyes to see what He's up to, even while the cry of my heart joins with those around me saying, "Come, Lord Jesus!"

Solitary

2010-11-10T22:50:00.000-06:00

The better version...

Jams

2010-11-06T11:23:00.004-05:00

So I was all set to do a blog post on what's been on repeat on the iPod (or laptop, as the case may be) lately. Then I realized that one of my most favorite people ever, Sarah, had already done a similar blog post. With the exact same music. Love you, Danae-Nae. :)

Regardless, I'm posting anyway. Deal with it.

First up, Shane and Shane's new worship album, "Dare 2 Share: Unending Worship."

LOVE this album! Some of my favorite worship tunes, Shane and Shane style. Four stars! And a fist pump. And a high kick, just for fun. :)

The next one requires a disclaimer. I tried to resist jumping on this bandwagon. And I succeeded for a LONG time. It's not that I don't like her music; I've just never loved it so much that I wanted to run out and download an entire album. Plus my small group girls are ginormous fans of hers and I've always been a non-conformist on principle, so I've resisted. Until now. I caved. It's Taylor Swift's new album, "Speak Now."

Holy awesomeness, Batman! Amazing! And just to show you how shallow and vain I actually am, this one has been on repeat way more than Shane and Shane has. I tell you no lies. I've even subjected sweet Mia and Jake to the awesomeness during the day while babysitting. And I've spent I don't know how much time contemplating which song is my favorite, should someone ask in the course of casual conversation. And I can't decide because they're all pure awesomeness. Awesomeness, I tell you!

Moral of the blog post: Go download both of these albums. Go do it. Right now. You can shower me with thanks later. While you're jamming to my girl Taylor. :)

Pine Cove and Little Women

2010-11-02T12:37:00.005-05:00

Pine Cove was this past weekend. We headed out to the Ranch with 200+ junior high students for a weekend of crazy fun! And crazy fun it was...

We had 12 of our 16 girls there this year. I honestly don't know what to say about this weekend. I have no words. Drama. Oh, the stories I could tell from Pine Cove this year! At some point recently my sweet little girls turned into little women. And I don't like it one bit! Not loving 8th grade at the moment. I've been reading Vicki Courtney's book "Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter" and so many of the statistics and anecdotes she shares in her book literally came to life before my eyes this weekend. By the time we got on the bus to head back to Dallas, I was beyond overwhelmed at the task before me of shepherding these girls for another four and a half years. But the Lord has been sweet to remind me that He has called me to this task and will equip me with all that I need to lead and guide and mentor them through the next several years. Yes, even when they do things that leave my mouth hanging open, with no clue what to say in response. :) He's also been faithful to remind me just how desperately these girls need someone to come alongside them during these years and be a voice that speaks Truth in a culture that bombards them with lies, tells them hard things when they don't want to hear it, and loves them toward Jesus.

Here's a sampling of pictures from the weekend. The rest are on Facebook. :)

More pics on the Watermark Students website here!

Oh, Snap!

2010-10-28T21:02:00.003-05:00

Sophie is sitting, waiting patiently for me to give her the "ok" to eat. Knox, on the other hand, doesn't so much care that he's eating dog food...

What?!

2010-10-26T19:08:00.003-05:00

Watching Glee.

Rocky Horror Glee Show.

My mom looks at me, in all seriousness, and asks, "You know who John Stamos is, right?"

THE HORROR!

I believe she was aiming for the fact that I may not be old enough to remember his stint as Blackie on General Hospital. I very quickly reminded her that I grew up watching Full House.

Seriously.

What I've learned In My 27th Year

2010-10-24T09:05:00.002-05:00

Setting boundaries with toddlers, setting boundaries with parents as an adult child, and training a dog have a LOT in common. And sometimes it's necessary to just let them throw temper tantrums and hissy fits while you shake your head in disbelief at the utter foolishness of it all.

Sigh.

Time Out

2010-10-18T20:48:00.007-05:00

I love all of the E-Trade baby commercials. They just make me laugh. I thought this one was especially funny though.

For the record, this one is slightly different than the one that's currently showing on TV. Which is way funnier. Just saying.

Joy

2010-10-17T10:30:00.002-05:00

For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile (or at least in 2010), you know about my sweet friends Justin and Angela, who welcomed their third little girl, Charlotte Jane, into the world in February. Seven days later (eight months ago today, to be exact), Charlotte went home to be with Jesus. Words still fail to express how much Charlotte Jane's life and death have changed me, and how much I've been challenged and encouraged and sharpened as I've watched Justin and Angela grieve and rejoice with the hope that only the gospel of Jesus Christ can allow.

On September 11, Angela shared some happy news with me. And now the happy news is posted for all of the blog world to see (complete with picture)! Check it out here.

Dear Sweet Bassett Baby Number 4,

Do you have any idea how much you are loved already?! I am so thankful that the Lord has chosen to express His love and grace to your parents and big sisters through your little life. I pray that as the Father continues to knit you together in your mommy's tummy that He would continue to bring healing and peace to your mommy and daddy's hearts as they prepare to meet you in May. Know, little one, that just as each of your three big sisters holds a special place in our lives and our hearts, so you hold a special place in this world.

I love you and I can't wait to meet you! Counting down the days until May 24th!

Love,

Aunt Kristie

Figures

2010-10-14T09:37:00.002-05:00

It figures that I would have the most to blog about in the eight days (count 'em...EIGHT!) that I have been without my laptop. Living life solely with my iPhone and my mom's iPad has been interesting. Typing takes forever. I have none of my favorite sites saved/memorized and I'm behind on replying to emails. Rumor has it my laptop is back from depot and just has to be restored from back-up and then I'll have it back in my hands. Supposedly.

Back to blogging. I'd wait to post about this until I get my laptop back so that I can do this topic justice, but I can't. It's keeping me up at night. Literally. Great that they rescued those trapped miners and all, but that hasn't affected me nearly as much as this.

Let's talk gay teen suicides. Because they were being bullied.

Why talk about it? Because my older brother is gay. He knew that by the time he was in junior high, though he didn't come out until he was in med school. And he contemplated suicide because he feared being different.

Teen suicides and bullying have obviously, and righly, been in the news quite a bit lately, and this has opened doors for some neat conversations for me and my brother. Specifically the church's response to the gay community, and more specifically, the church's response to teenagers struggling with their sexual identity. Teenage brains are different from adult brains. They live in the moment, they're impulsive, they can't see beyond what's happening right here and right now. And why do I care about teenagers? Because I'm shepherding 17 sweet junior high girls right now and will continue to shepherd them through their high school years. Two of the teens who committed suicide in recent weeks were 13- the same age that my girls are right now. It hits close to home for me on many levels.

As a follower of Christ, I stand firmly on the Word of God when it comes to the issue of homosexuality. But I also love my brother. I see how he's been deeply hurt and offended by those who claim to love and follow Jesus, and yet treat him and others in the gay community like the scum of the earth. Really, is that what Jesus would do?

I applaud Matthew Paul Turner for writing this post on his blog. Take a minute to read it.

Also, next Wednesday, October 20th has been declared Spirit Day- a day to wear purple in memory of those who have lost their lives to bullying. I'll be wearing purple; will you?

I wish I could say this expressed the full extent of my thoughts and feelings as I've prayed and processed through this stuff. It doesn't. It just scratches the surface. But hopefully it will cause you to stop and think for a moment. And maybe change your perspective just a bit.

Radical

2010-10-04T16:00:00.003-05:00

I started reading Radical by David Platt this weekend. I've heard it's an amazing, life-changing, kick-you-in-the-face kind of book. Awesome! Love those kind!

Thirteen pages into it, I kind of changed my mind. This kind of kick in the face is really hurting. A LOT. So much so that I put it down when I finished page 13 and I have yet to pick it back up because I'm still wrestling with what I've read so far.

Might take me until Jesus comes back to finish this one, but I think it will be worth it. Here's an excerpt that left me wanting to run and hide from the Holy Spirit:

"...and this is where we need to pause. Because we are starting to redefine Christianity. We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist him into a version we are more comfortable with. A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that he receives all our affection. A Jesus who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on our comforts, because, after all, he loves us just the way we are. A Jesus who wants us to be balanced, who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid danger altogether. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream. But do you and I realize what we are doing at this point? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us, because, after all, that is whom we are most comfortable with. And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshiping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshiping ourselves." (p.13).

Oy.

Did that hurt you too?

Chew on that for awhile. I still am.

You Will Be Dumber After Reading This

2010-09-30T16:43:00.003-05:00

I absolutely LOVE serving in student ministries at Watermark. I have been challenged, sharpened, inspired, and encouraged so much in the past two years as I've been shepherding my sweet junior high girls. And I'm looking forward to the next five years with them- I can't wait to see how they grow and mature in their relationships with Christ and with each other.

One of the things I love about our student ministry is the crazy fun things they do to try to reach and relate to the students. And some things they just do for sheer entertainment value. Our worship team is holding auditions the next two weeks and showed this video as an example of what NOT to do during your audition. In other words, know the correct lyrics to "Oh Happy Day."

I found myself feeling dumber after watching this video, but hearing hundreds of junior high students laughing and attempting to sing along with it made me realize that I'd be willing to endure just about anything to be a part of a ministry like this one if it means students are being reached with the life-changing truth of the gospel.

Oh, another result of watching this video: I've been walking around singing "Cheese us take the Wiiiiii..." all week. Thanks, Jarrod. :)

Currently Reading

2010-09-27T16:36:00.005-05:00

I'm working my way through both of these books...

A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah

and

The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeannette Walls

Both of these books are simultaneously hard to pick up and hard to put down. Hard to pick up because they're just heart-breaking and difficult to read. Hard to put down because they're such compelling stories told by the two people who lived through chaotic, dysfunctional, horrific circumstances. Hard to pick up + hard to put down = my definition of a pretty darn good book.

I'm a Potterhead

2010-09-22T22:28:00.002-05:00

The newest trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1) was released today. The movie comes out on November 19th.

I cannot wait. :)

Sidenote: I think it should be clear from my recent blog posts that I am, in fact, a media junkie. Or at least that I like to be entertained. Working my way through a couple of books at the moment- reviews to come!

Runnin' (Wo)Man

2010-09-21T17:48:00.002-05:00

I have to say that I feel like a hard-core, badass runner when I run in the rain. I mean, it's only happened twice. Ever. But still. This afternoon me and the popcorn-selling Boy Scouts owned the streets. Oh, and that student driver that was crawling down the street at 5 mph. But at least I was rocking out to the Go-Go's and Bon Jovi and Glee on my iPod.

Hey, speaking of Glee...season premiere in ONE HOUR. Are you ready?

It's time...

2010-09-20T17:03:00.001-05:00

It's time, people. Fall TV premiere week is upon us. The shows I have been pining for are back. Life is good.

Tuesday: GLEE.

Thursday: BONES.

I cannot contain my excitement. Sue Sylvester! Kurt! Dumb, blond Brittany! Oodles of singing and dancing! Angela! Hodgins! What happened while Booth and Brennan were apart?!

If you try to reach me on Tuesday or Thursday evening, be advised I will be ignoring you. Love you, mean it. But I love my Glee and Bones more. So sorry...

Mia Claire

2010-09-17T10:17:00.003-05:00

During the week I hang out with two spectacularly cute kiddos, Jake and Mia. I usually have Jake on Mondays and Tuesdays and Mia on Wednesdays.

Mia is about 15 months old and I'm constantly blown away by how verbal she is and how much she understands. She's hysterical. She's on a really big Dora kick right now ("Dorda!"). She and Dora are besties. There's no problem that Dora and sassy (her pacifier) can't fix.

This week Mia and I were sitting on the floor reading her Bible and I pointed to the picture of Jesus and said, "Jesus." Mia responded with, "Dorda!" I corrected her and said, "No, that's Jesus." Reply: "Dorda!" This exchange went back and forth for a couple of minutes, at which point Mia looked up at me sweetly, put a little pointer finger to her lips and said, "Shhh." Well done, Mia Claire. Well done.

In her defense, I believe she had turned to the page in her Bible where baby Jesus is lying in the manger, which to her translates as night-night and she was communicating that to me. Even so, it was a brilliantly timed retort on her part, as the look on her face at that exact moment said, "Woman, what is this foolishness you speak of? Clearly this is not a picture of a Jewish man; it's Dora!"

Never a dull moment...

Stumped

2010-09-09T21:53:00.003-05:00

I'm not intentionally ignoring the blog. I just don't have anything all that interesting to say these days. I keep trying to come up with witty, insightful things to say, but I'm coming up short. My life is just not that interesting and the deep, profound thoughts are not coming. My profuse apologies.

Oooh, here's some happy... This past weekend I traveled down to Houston and watched one of my favorite people in the history of ever get married! Amber and I have been in a community group together at church for about a year and a half. And what a year and a half it's been! Talk about roughing it together. This time last year she and Nate had just been through a messy break-up and were dealing with the fall-out from it. This past Sunday night neither of them could stop crying as they exchanged their wedding vows. Our God is a God of faithfulness and redemption, and Amber and Nate's marriage is a testimony of His grace and goodness. It was such a sweet time to share with them and our community group had a grand time occupying one of only two singles' tables at the reception. Such is life! :)

So. Much. Win.

2010-08-30T18:38:00.007-05:00

So I really have no use for awards shows. Some people love them, but I just don't care about who wears what or which show/person wins which awards. The Emmys were on last night though, and my mom had them on on every TV in the house at the time I was eating dinner, so I managed to catch the intro (plus the first 45 minutes, but let's not go there...).

Because I'm such a huge Glee fan, this made my heart so very, very happy. LOVE it.

I thought the whole segment of comedy awards was fantastic. Especially loved the guy doing color commentary for the winners as they walked to the stage.

And now I'm officially mocking myself for becoming one of those post-Emmy "people." You know the ones.

(Hangs head in shames and walks away...)

Don't Stop Believin'

2010-08-29T17:29:00.000-05:00

Last night I partied it up with my small group girls to kick off the start of the school year. The little darlings are in 8th grade this year. Did you hear me? 8TH GRADE! This baffles me. They all grew at least three inches over the summer. My co-leader is now the shortest one in our group. What the heck?!

We ate pizza and other yummy snacks and had fun swimming at Lindsay's last night. The girls enjoyed randomly belting out Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" (hence the title of this post) and terrorizing the dogs. Good times were had by all!

Random thoughts...

2010-08-01T12:55:00.002-05:00

I blame the utter randomness of this post on lack of sleep and the migraine I'm rocking at the moment. Consider yourself warned.

1. Whenever I buy bread, I'm always tempted to open it right there in the bread aisle and test it for softness. I love soft bread and I'm always overcome with disappointment when I get home and it doesn't live up to my softness expectations.

2. I was driving to Target the other day and passed a Mattress Giant. I was thisclose to parking, going in, and jumping on all the beds. One day...

3. I know I've had this conversation with people before, but I've always wanted to high-jack a Blue Bell truck. I mean, really...how much fun would that be?

4. There's a gaggle of baby birds out on my mom's patio right now and I'm watching them gather "stuff" for the nest they're building. It's a sweet reminder that just as the Lord provides for the birds of the air, so He will always be faithful to provide for His children. Now if only I can get the cute little birds to quit flying into the windows and meeting with untimely demises...

That's all for now, folks.

Kristie out-

Come again?

2010-07-22T19:28:00.002-05:00

I was offended by this.

Six years, countless hours, even more injuries (my orthodpedic doctor said he saw more injuries from cheerleading than he did from football- and he was our football team's doctor!)...you better darn well believe that cheerleading is a sport.

And I'm done. Unless you try arguing with me. In which case, I'm not done. And you'll lose. You'll definitely lose.

Cake? Yes, Please.

2010-07-19T20:50:00.003-05:00

I'm almost done with Sloane Crosley's "I Was Told There'd Be Cake."

You should go pick up a copy and read it. Stinking hilarious. I think my personal favorite is her essay on being a bridesmaid. Perfection.

Things I'm Loving Lately

2010-07-11T19:03:00.002-05:00

1. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I know, that may sound odd. But I NEVER liked PB&Js growing up. I love me some peanut butter and could eat my weight in it, but have never been a big fan of jelly. Until now. Give me some crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jelly on some super soft white bread, and.... (drool).

2. Glee. I've already talked about my new affection for this show. Still loving it. Just wanted to share.

3. Sleep. I've taken a nap every day for the past four days. Give Him some glory, people. That could be because I was rocking a migraine for two of those days, but regardless, sleep still rocks my world.

4. Philosophy's Amazing Grace Bubble Bath. I've loved this stuff for forever. I love the Amazing Grace scent in general, but I love curling up in bed at night after a bubble bath and being wrapped in it. Love!

5. My nightly (or rather, late afternoon/early evening) walks/jogs. I know, who knew, right? I'm pretty sure this is what's been keeping me sane lately...30-45 minutes of tuning out the world every day. I was taking Sophie with me for awhile but she was slowing me down so she doesn't get to go anymore.

6. Target. Seriously, I've always known Target is a dangerous place for me, but it's just gotten out of control these days. It's starting to rival the Container Store as my happy place.

7. Speaking of Target...I love Archer Farms (Target's store brand) yogurt! I'm particularly in love with the strawberry banana and strawberry cheesecake varieties. Low fat or fat free. So. Stinking. Yummy.

8. Red grapes. I've never liked red grapes in my life until just recently. I've always been a green grape kind of girl. But oh my, red grapes are just hitting the spot these days. Especially if it's super late and I can't sleep. Perfect for snacking while watching Glee! (And sending Sarah random Glee-related emails at all hours of the night...)

9. Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family. It's been nothing but Harry Potter all weekend long, and it's getting me really excited for Deathly Hallows. Installment one comes out in November...fist pump and high kick!

10. Lots of new music downloaded from iTunes. I decided to be rather domestic on Thursday and my new jams had me shimmyin' and shakin' while tackling my projects. Good times, let me tell you.

Ten is a good number. I'll stop there. :)

You can't make this stuff up...

2010-07-08T13:26:00.004-05:00

I just received this email from my sweet bestie, Laura Katherine. The only response I had for it was, "Wow."

"what's with the peeps kicking the bucket? shelley had a squirrel die on their front steps yesterday after being struck by lightning. chris watched it breathe it's last breaths."

Edited to add (from subsequent email):

"on a different note, we found out yesterday my cousin isn't the baby daddy."

My best friend is so entertaining. Love her to pieces. :)

Are We There Yet?

2010-07-06T19:23:00.001-05:00

July 31^st marks the halfway point of my 27^th year of life. I’ll be 28 in January. By all accounts, I think most people would consider me an adult. I’ve achieved many of the milestones and accolades that one usually associates with adulthood: I’ve graduated from high school, graduated from college, graduated from graduate school (still not sure what that 2.5 years accomplished, but oh well); I’ve purchased and paid off a car; I’ve moved I don’t even know how many times in the last ten years; parents trust me to drive their children around Dallas; heck, parents trust me to take care of their children when they leave the country to go on vacation; I mentor a group of about-to-be 8^th grade girls at church; I’ve been there when my closest friends have gotten married and I’ve been there when they’ve welcomed sweet little babies into their worlds; I’ve also walked through heart-wrenching grief with friends who have had to say goodbye to sweet little babies who either didn’t get to experience life outside of the womb or only got to experience it for a few short days; I’ve walked through a parent’s cancer diagnosis and treatment; and just this morning I learned that a lifelong friend’s wife passed away after an intense three-year battle with a rare and aggressive form of cancer. So by and large, I think it’s safe to assume that I’ve achieved adulthood.

But most days I feel like I’m still waiting for the day to come when I feel like I’ve arrived. To see a sign or hear a voice that says, “Welcome to Adulthood, Population...” Because most days I don’t really feel like an adult. Maybe it’s because I’m still single; I don’t have the responsibilities that go with having a husband and a family that make a person feel like a “grown-up.” Or maybe it’s because I’m not settled into a career like the rest of my friends. I mean, come on, people- I’m living at home right now and babysitting four days a week. Feels a lot like college to me at the moment.

So the question that’s been plaguing me lately is...am I there yet? If the answer is yes, why doesn’t it feel like it? If the answer is no, when will I get there? And how will I know when I’m there?

Recent and Current Reads

2010-06-26T12:32:00.005-05:00

It's been awhile since I've done a book post. That's because it's been awhile since I've had time for fun reading! I'm in love with the fact that I can actually sit down with a book and read for fun right now. I've missed it so much.

Recently read:

I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith

I finished this one in less than 18 hours. I've been waiting for this book to come out since the fall, but wasn't able to pick it up and read it when it was released in May. It's the story of the Smith family and their journey with their baby girl, Audrey Caroline. Todd and Angie were told when they were pregnant with Audrey that she had medical conditions that were incompatible with life. I followed their blog through that journey two years ago, and this is the book form of it. A truly incredible story and definitely worth picking up and reading!

Currently reading:

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto by Chuck Klosterman

This is one that my brother recommended. It's fabulous. Klosterman basically takes 80s and 90s pop culture and analyzes how our society has been shaped by it. Saved by the Bell, Billy Joel, the Sims, MTV's the Real World, When Harry Met Sally...he has some interesting insights. I don't necessarily agree with everything he says, but it's definitely entertaining and gives you something to think about.

Trying to get into:

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

I started this one and I'm trying to get into it and finish it, mainly because the movie with Julie Roberts is coming out soon. It's ok. Not stellar. It's very new age-y, which I think is the reason it's hard for me to get into. We'll see if I make it through the whole thing.

And that's all I've got for now!

It's a FitzWilliams Wedding!

2010-06-19T15:39:00.003-05:00

Ok, people. I finally got pics uploaded from Laura & Spencer's wedding festivities! Click here to go to my MobileMe gallery to see pics from Laura's lingerie shower/bachelorette party and pics from the bridesmaids' brunch/spa/rehearsal dinner/wedding.

Happy viewing!

Coming up to breathe...

2010-06-16T16:25:00.004-05:00

So it's been a month since my last post. It's been a CRAZY month. This isn't going to be a long post (don't have the energy for that now...maybe this weekend...famous last words, no?), but here's what's been happening in the last several weeks:

• My mom had surgery.

• Laura's lingerie shower/bachelorette party.

• My mom had surgery. Yes, another one. Oh, my grandmother did too. My brother was in town for a week for both events.

• FitzWilliams wedding! Hopefully I'll get pics from wedding weekend up soon. Hopefully. In the meantime, you can hit up Sarah's blog and check out her pictures.

• I house-sat for my cousin for ten days. Right after my mom's second surgery. Because that wasn't tricky AT ALL. Spent way too much time in my car during that time period.

• Lots of babysitting. I hang with Jake on Mondays and Tuesdays and Mia on Wednesdays and Fridays.

• Lots of studying. I took my SpEd certification exam last week. And I PASSED! Whoop, hullaballoo, and farmer's fight.

• I'm addicted to Glee. Sarah's beyond giddy about this. I'm not sure why but I blame her for this newest addiction, and she's ok with that.

• Insert something else here that I feel like I'm forgetting. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

To say that I'm tired would be a gross understatement. I've always been a morning person, but I've somehow managed to become a night person in the last couple of months too. Not sure how I'm going to bounce back from the insanity of life as of late, but I feel sure I will prevail. Eventually. :)

But for now, I'm thinking it's naptime.

Lessons

2010-05-16T01:30:00.003-05:00

I'm constantly amazed at how much the Lord is continuing to use sweet Charlotte Jane's life here in this world even as she is present with Him in glory. It's been three months since she was born and passed away, and yet He continues to bring fresh lessons and fresh reminders about His heart and His character whenever I think about her and the time she spent here and the impact those seven days have had on so many people. Her precious life - and death - had meaning. Significance. Purpose.

Justin and Angela post on their blog every month an update of sorts on how they are doing as they continue to grieve and process through things. I love these posts. I love seeing the power and grace and truth of Jesus shining through them as they walk this difficult road. Head on over to their blog to read their reflections on life three months later.

Happy 4th birthday, Ella girl!

2010-05-10T11:01:00.004-05:00

Today is Ella's 4th birthday!

My sweet Ella,

You are FOUR years old today! What a big girl! I don't think I can put into words how thankful I am for you and how much you have changed my life. Your precious smile and laugh are contagious and absolutely melt my heart. I love our conversations and miss getting to talk to you on a daily basis. Thank you for teaching me about joy and perseverance, sweet girl. I love you to the moon and back!

Happy birthday!

Love,
Tistie

Things Sophie Has Eaten This Week

2010-04-27T15:55:00.002-05:00

A Slumdog Millionaire DVD. Plastic goggles left in the yard by the yard guys. A bird.

And it's only Tuesday.

My dog has a sophisticated palate.

Don't Waste It

2010-04-25T11:01:00.002-05:00

"Then Job answered the Lord and said, 'I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.'" -Job 42:1-2

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." -CS Lewis

It's been said, by someone at some point in time, that God doesn't waste our pain. I believe that. Absolutely. But do we waste our pain? I think about different seasons of life that I've gone through- different trials and challenges and struggles- and wonder if I've allowed the Lord to fully work in me what is pleasing to Him in those different seasons, if I've been fully surrendered and given Him full access to my heart. Or if I've wasted those seasons, those opportunities for growth and sanctification by holding back my heart and my life from Him.

The past couple of days have been a bit of a whirlwind as unsettling news has come- news I never wanted to receive, never even thought was in the realm of possibility, but now it's here and I have to face the music. Am I going to waste the coming days and weeks and months, whatever they may hold? Or am I going to fully surrender my heart and life to the Lord, giving Him full access to the deepest parts of me and allowing Him to work in me and through me that which is pleasing in His sight?

Quickie Update

2010-04-25T10:47:00.002-05:00

I know, I know. It's been awhile. Don't shoot me. I don't have time for emergency surgery and the weeks it would take to recover. Here's the quick run-down of things that have been happening lately:

1. I've spent the last four weeks babysitting for sweet Preston Clark. He's the almost-one-year-old son of Watermark's worship pastor. I had such a blast hanging out with this little guy everyday. Quite possibly the easiest baby in the history of ever. No lie.

2. I'm in the process of working on my teacher certification in special education. This could be a blog post in itself, but I don't really have time to do it. Just know that it means the following: class three nights a week from April 5th-May 20th, two certification exams (I've taken and passed one already), and 30 hours of classroom observation (that I haven't started yet). Plus countless hours of working on resumes and filling out online applications for school districts and marching my resume to dozens of elementary schools in the area. What does all of this mean? Very little sleep and an increased need and tolerance for caffeine. Intense, yes, but very excited about what the future looks like!

3. There's no place like home. My sweet roommate has met the man of her dreams and is getting married on June 5th. As such, our house was put on the market and sold in record time (or so it seemed to us). Out come the boxes as we pack up our lives. She's moving as we speak...literally. I move this next Friday. Where, you ask? Back in with my mom for awhile, until I determine where I'll be teaching, which will determine where I move. I'm in love with the logic of it all.

And there you have it. If we've enjoyed any sort of communication lately, then you probably already know this. But I might as well document the events on the blog for the sake of posterity, right? Right!

Your Hands

2010-04-03T12:57:00.002-05:00

Our worship team sang this song at church last week and I fell in love with it. It expresses so much of where my heart has been lately- uncertainty, doubt, fear, disappointment, discouragement. So far beyond overwhelmed at times that I forget that I rest in the hands of One who formed the universe, who sent His Son to die for me, who daily expresses the strength of His love for me, and who lavishes His grace upon me in countless ways.

The song is called "Your Hands" by JJ Heller. It's a winner.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yeah, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...

I never leave Your hands...

Favorites

2010-04-02T16:26:00.003-05:00

So temporary retirement has meant that I get to spend more time with one of my besties, Angela, and her sweet little darlings, Lizzie and Lainie. A couple of weeks ago we took a trip to Costco!

Love these precious girls...I have so much fun with them!

Master

2010-03-30T09:56:00.002-05:00

So my sweet friend Sarah selected me to participate in this fun little bloggy game where I list six things in which I am a master. I have to say, after reading her list, I feel like a big, fat un-master (seriously, she can play SEVEN musical instruments!). But alas, I will join the fun. We'll see if I can come up with six. :)

1. Kids! I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a master here, but I since I was in sixth grade I've spent a fair bit of time with the infant/preschool crowd, and I can hold my own in a conversation with moms at playgroup, despite the fact that I don't have progeny of my own. I can also wrestle a kid to the ground to change diapers/clothes in record time. Ask Preston Clark. :)

2. Reading. I LOVE to read, usually more than I like hanging out with people. I'd say I'm a master at this one.

3. Listening. I've always been told I'm a good listener, but I've definitely grown in my understanding of what this means.

4. Encouraging. By no means am I a master here, but as it's one of my spiritual gifts I've seen the Lord use me to encourage others and I love that He's continually showing me and challenging me to encourage others with His truth.

5. Wrestling. Yeah, not so much WWF, but wrestling things out with the Lord when He places things in front of me. I'm not big on running from things or avoiding them just because they're uncomfortable. I may genuinely dislike the process of what He's walking me through, but I won't run from it.

6. Cooking.

Umm, yeah. I just wanted to see how many laughs I got out of that last one. :)

Ok, I'm going to pick Angela, Laura (because it will force her to update her blog), Amy, and Andrea to tell us where they are Yoda's. Ready? Set? Go!

Home

2010-03-27T14:34:00.004-05:00

This song echoes one of the biggest things the Lord has been working in my heart in the last couple of months since Charlotte Jane was born and passed away. Never has it been more evident that my heart is made for another place and longs so desperately to be present with my Savior King...

What is it like to be held in the same arms that hold the universe?

What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of heaven and earth?

When you open your eyes and look on the face of

The Giver of life, the Author of grace

Do you know...

Your days here changed everything

You’re missed here and will always be

But you left here the greatest gift of all

Because our hearts ache for Home

What is it like to breathe in and breathe out

Heaven’s glorious light?

What is it like to be robed in perfection

No reason to cry?

When you feel on your face your Father’s kiss

His welcome embrace, we prayed for this

You should know...

Your days here changed everything

You’re missed here and will always be

But you left here the greatest gift of all

Because our hearts ache for Home

So twinkle, twinkle little star

We will keep you in our hearts

Twinkle, twinkle little star

We will meet you where you are

Your days here changed everything

You’re missed here and will always be

But you left here the greatest gift of all

Because our hearts ache for Home...

"Home" by Nicol Sponberg

The Apprentice

2010-03-20T11:03:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged. My profuse apologies. If we've talked in person lately then you know why. But I don't want to go there right now. Requires too much mental energy. Instead, how about some happy?

I got an email (last week maybe?) from our women's coordinator for student ministries pitching an idea to me and my co-leader and another pair of seventh grade leaders (who just so happen to be in my community group). They asked us if we'd be willing to allow a new student ministries leader to join each of our groups for the remainder of the school year and through the summer as an apprentice of sorts (which just makes me think of cobbling shoes, but whatever). The goal is to let them see what ministry looks like week-in/week-out with a group that "gets it" (that part of the email makes me laugh...Mel has obviously never been to our small group!). They'll hang out with our group at Wake on Sunday, come to small group during the week, and be included in anything else we do. We'll share with them how we communicate with parents, what's worked for us and what hasn't as far as "doing" small group each week, and all of our other little nuggets of wisdom we've gained in the last two years (ahem...insert laugh here...mainly because I'm still asking other leaders how they do things). By doing this, they'll (hopefully) be a little bit more prepared when they get their small group of sixth graders in the fall.

I'm really excited about this because the "apprentice" for our group is Anne Marie, who hung out with us all weekend at DTown! So my girls already know her and she already knows my girls and has a pretty good idea of how the dynamics of our group work. It should be a pretty seamless transition for everyone to have her come on board with us. We're blessed in that our girls are generally very welcoming of new people, be it visitors hanging with us on Sunday mornings or leaders placed with our group for weekend retreats. I love that about them. :)

So yeah...apprenticing. Who knew?

DTown 2010: Video!

2010-03-01T16:15:00.001-06:00

I'm thinking Julie & Amber may have had just a little too much fun supervising the pedestal joust...

He. Is. Enough.

2010-03-01T10:11:00.002-06:00

It's taking me awhile, but I'm slowly but surely working my way through Tim Keller's "Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex and Power and the Only Hope that Matters." In two months I've made it through the intro and the first two chapters. Why is it taking me so long? Well, lack of time, for one thing. But the main reason is that I find I have to stop and re-read (and re-read, and re-read again) what he says because it just pierces my heart and convicts me that much. I think I spent a solid week or so journaling through the material in just the introduction alone.

My point? I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

So you should go pick it up and join me on this journey. It ain't pretty, but it's definitely worth it.

In chapter one, Keller tells the story of Abraham when God calls him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. He comments first on how dangerous it can be when we get all we've ever wanted. Hmm, makes sense. After all, idols aren't necessarily bad things. Idols become idols when we take good things and make them ultimate things. I'd never looked at the story of Abraham and Isaac in that way before. Allow me to quote, at length, from Keller as he makes connections for us and our own Isaacs...

Here, then, is the practical answer to our own idolatries, to the "Isaacs" in our lives, which are not spiritually safe to have and to hold. We need to offer them up. We need to find a way to keep from clutching them too tightly, of being enslaved to them. We will never do so by mouthing abstractions about how great God is. We have to know, to be assured, that God so loves, cherishes, and delights in us that we can rest our hearts in him for our significance and security and handle anything that happens in life. But how? God saw Abraham's sacrifice and said, "Now I know that you love me, because you did not withhold your only son from me." But how much more can we look at his sacrifice on the Cross, and say to God, "Now we know that you love us. For you did not withhold your son, your only son, whom you love, from us." When the magnitude of what he did dawns on us, it makes it possible to finally rest our hearts in him rather than in anything else. (p. 17-18)

Commenting about our disappointments and troubling times in life, Keller says,

Look at them more closely, and you will realize that the most agonizing of them have to do with our own "Isaacs." In our lives there are always some things that we invest in to get a level of joy and fulfillment that only God can give. The most painful times in our lives are times in which our Isaacs, our idols, are being threatened or removed...Nevertheless, we must not make the mistake of thinking that this story means all we have to do is be willing to part with our idols rather than actually leave them behind...Something is safe for us to maintain in our lives only if it has really stopped being an idol. That can happen only when we are truly willing to live without it, when we truly say from the heart, "Because I have God, I can live without you." (19-20)

Powerful words, no?

I cannot express how thankful I am that the Lord has walked me through this process in the last several months. Revealing the depth of this sin in my heart. Revealing the idols. Showing me that while I may profess that He is all I need, my life reflects something completely different. Control, people pleasing, codependency, perfectionism...all the ways I look for security and contentment and satisfaction outside of Him. By His grace and mercy, He has allowed me to see and experience the pain and disappointment and destruction that comes from seeking life outside of Him. And by His grace and mercy (and a whole lot of patience, I might add), He's brought me to a place of glorious freedom- in knowing and trusting and believing and resting in the amazing truth that He is enough. He is sufficient in all things and at all times. I don't have to grasp for control of my circumstances (though that's a daily battle), because He is enough. I don't have to seek the approval and acceptance of the people around me, because He is sufficient in Himself to satisfy my heart. There is freedom in admitting that I'm not perfect because He is. What joy!

Coming soon: reflections on chapter two, "Love is Not All You Need."

DTown 2010: Dangerous

2010-02-28T10:50:00.006-06:00

DTown was last weekend, and what an interesting weekend it was! Like I said in a previous post, our small group stayed at my house this year, which worked out so well for me for many reasons. We had 13 sweet seventh grade girls and FIVE leaders! Count that up- 17 people in the house (one of the leaders didn't stay at the house with us at night)! Ordinarily we wouldn't have that many leaders with one group, but my co-leader couldn't be here until Saturday night, so the staff gave us Ali (one of our awesome twin-terns) for the weekend. Charlotte Jane's memorial service was Saturday morning, so I was going to have to leave for a few hours, so they put another leader, Anne Marie, with us for the weekend to help out. And then they added Katie, who is also a new leader and just diving in with student ministries, to hang out with us during the day. So by Saturday night when Angie got here, we had a rocking leader:student ratio going on. It really helped me out a lot since Saturday was an emotional day for me and I was sick the whole weekend on top of that. I am so thankful I had Ali and Anne Marie and Katie last weekend. Especially on Saturday. They took the girls off to do the photo scavenger hunt in the afternoon and let me come back to the house for some Jesus time so I could re-charge. Such a blessing!

We really had a great time at DTown. Our staff does such an amazing job preparing for this retreat- messages, skits, music, after-party on Saturday night, etc. While it was a difficult weekend for me, I'm so thankful for the time I got to spend with my girls and the conversations we got to have. It was awesome to sit back and see how the Lord has blessed the friendships the girls have developed within our group in the past year and a half, knowing that it's these relationships that are and will continue to be the basis for community and accountability as they continue through junior high and high school.

Driving back to DTown from Charlotte's memorial service on Saturday, I was reflecting on Christ's sufficiency in all things- that He is enough. Specifically for Justin and Angela in their sorrow and joy and hope in losing Charlotte, but I couldn't miss the connection in where I was driving from (Charlotte's memorial service) and where I was going (back to my girls at DTown) and that my heart for my girls from the very beginning has been the same thing: that they would know that Jesus is enough, far better and greater and more satisfying than anything this world has to offer. It was a sweet time as the Lord really challenged and encouraged my heart to keep pressing on with them.

And now, for some pictures! My camera was being temperamental this weekend, so I've shamelessly stolen these few from Ali. I love that she snapped some of these shots during the times I wasn't there. And a few of these are from the official DTown set on Flickr.

The group at the house. I think we're only missing one in this shot, which is a miracle in itself...

Playing at NorthPark during the photo scavenger hunt. Do I smell?

Taking a nap under the giant tee-pee.

Group time after club on Friday night.

Hanging out before club on Saturday. I think some of our girls were racing each other around the second floor at this point. Not sure why, but they really enjoyed doing that all weekend...

For more pictures, you can check out the Watermark student ministry's Flickr set here.

I'll post the video from the weekend at a later date. :)

Thy Will be Done

2010-02-24T18:36:00.003-06:00

In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches us how to pray (that would be the Lord's Prayer, in case you're wondering). I'm glad, because I need to be taught that. In verse 10 he specifically prays, "Your kingdom come, your will be done..." Later, in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prays, "Not as I will, but as you will" (Matthew 26:39).

I think a lot of believers pray these words and genuinely mean them (or hope they mean them). But they might think twice about praying them if they actually realized what it is they were praying. I've been pondering and reflecting on this a lot in the past few weeks, and I keep coming back to two quotes on what it means to pray "Thy kingdom come."

First, thoughts from Elisabeth Elliot in "God's Guidance":

As we lay our individual prayers before him, we do so recognizing that the answer has to fit into the coming kingdom and the holiness of the name, which means that the answer may be quite other than we suppose. The kingdom of God is the place where all is in perfect order, nothing is out of place, because it is the place where his will is always done...If in the integrity of my heart I speak the words, "Thy will be done," I must be willing, if the answer requires it, that my will be undone. (p. 19)

And second, reflections from Paul David Tripp in "Whiter than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy" (I think it's worth noting here that I journaled on these thoughts just two days before Charlotte Jane was born...):

"Thy kingdom come" is a dangerous prayer, for it means the death of your own sovereignty. It means your life will be shaped by the will of another. It means that you will experience the messiness, discomfort, and difficulty of God's refining grace. It means surrendering the center of your universe to the One who alone deserves to be there. It means loving God above all else and your neighbor as yourself. It means experiencing the freedom that can only be found when God breaks through your bondage to you! It means finally living for the one glory that is truly glorious, the glory of God..."Thy kingdom come," words of surrender, words of protection, and words of grace that can only be prayed by those who've been delivered by the Redeemer from the one kingdom that always leads to death and destruction, the kingdom of self. (p. 62)

I'm not going to lie, I've been wrestling with this lately. The Lord has been convicting me and challenging me and sharpening me in so many ways. Everything that's happened with Charlotte Jane in the last few weeks has radically changed how I pray. How I trust. How I believe. How I surrender. Praying, "Lord, your will be done..." Meaning it? Accepting and embracing what the means? Rejoicing in it? Definitely not easy. Especially for a control freak like me. Do I really want to give up control of my life (as if I had it in the first place)? My plans and what I think is best and what I want to do? I kind of like doing things my way, I don't like being inconvenienced or uncomfortable or caught off guard. Give all of that up? Really?

Thankfully, God knows this heart can be slow to learn sometimes. He knows I need grace. He knows I need mercy. And by his grace and mercy, he's transforming my heart into one that delights in surrendering to his will and forsaking my own. I'm thankful for the incredible reminder that he works all things together for our good, yes, but all things work together to accomplish his larger kingdom purposes as well. They cannot be separated. I must choose to remember that his kingdom is bigger than me! It's true, I've learned more in the last few weeks about the joy and peace that come from surrendering and delighting in God's perfect will than I can put into words...

Charlotte Jane

2010-02-17T17:59:00.004-06:00

"I've shown her photographs of time beginning

Walked her through the parted sea

Angel lullabies

No more teary eyes

Who could love her like this?"

-Selah

Charlotte Jane went home to be with Jesus this morning. Please continue to pray for her parents, Justin and Angela, and her big sisters, Elizabeth and Elaine.

Sweet Charlotte,

I began praying for you as soon as I found out you were coming- I was so excited that there was going to be another Bassett baby! Your parents really are the greatest and have taught me so much about what it means to love Jesus and follow hard after Him. I prayed for your health and your safety, and the Lord was faithful to answer that prayer- just not in the way any of us imagined. You made MUCH of Jesus in your life...well done, precious girl! I know our Savior so much more intimately, know so much more of His unchangeable character, have clung to Him more tightly in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible because of your life. While I prayed- desperately prayed- that you would get to stay here with your mommy and daddy and big sisters, our Father knew that the only way you could be healed would be home with Him. And you are healed, perfectly healed, and completely whole. And I REJOICE in that for you! You are loved deeply by so many, sweet one. And you are already missed terribly. My heart aches for your mommy and daddy and sisters and the tears they will cry for you. But you have taught us much about hope, about the sovereign grace and unfailing love of Jesus Christ. I look forward, with eager anticipation, to the day I join you at Jesus' feet and we worship Him together. Thank you for teaching me, Charlotte Jane. Thank you for making much of Jesus in your time here with us.

I love you,

Aunt Kristie

DTown!

2010-02-15T10:13:00.002-06:00

DTown is this weekend! I'm super excited. We're staying at my house this year, which means I get to sleep in my own bed AND I don't have to pack! Score!

The theme for this year is "Dangerous," centered around the dangerous prayers that David prayed in Psalm 51: clean me, teach me, use me, mold me, and break me. I can't wait to spend this weekend with my girls and dig into this material! I've been studying Psalm 51 for the last couple of months (working through an awesome devotional book), so I'm really excited about digging into the Word with them!

Here's the video from last year. Looking forward to more crazy times!

DTown from Watermark Student Ministries on Vimeo.

Before the Morning

2010-02-12T23:19:00.002-06:00

I feel like the past few weeks have changed me. Changed my perspective. Changed my heart. Changed my relationship with the Lord.

I've been brought to my knees in absolute, helpless surrender more times than I can count in the last few weeks. Joy. Hope. Heartache. Pain. Disappointment. Confusion. More hope. Always hope. Unending hope in a loving, merciful, faithful God. He is, has been, and always will be my anchor in this life.

I heard this song on the radio earlier this week by Josh Wilson. It's called "Before the Morning." I love its message...

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you, where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday, somehow you’ll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
Can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on, 'cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory...

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
Can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning...

Please pray for my sweet friends, the Bassetts. Justin and Angela have been dear friends of mine since my freshman year of college. Angela is one of my best friends. Wednesday night they welcomed their third baby girl, Charlotte Jane, into the world. She was taken straight to the NICU and then transported to Cook Children's in Fort Worth. It's been a rough couple of days, as Justin and Angela are still waiting to find out exactly what's happening with Charlotte. You can check out their blog for information, updates, and specific prayer requests. May the Lord Jesus Christ be made much of in Charlotte's life!

Currently Reading

2010-02-10T16:26:00.003-06:00

Because I know you're dying to know...

Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power and the Only Hope That Matters by Timothy Keller

Love Walked Among Us by Paul Miller

Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God by Noel Piper

(many thanks to Ang for recommending this one!)

Domesticity, Take 2

2010-02-08T14:28:00.002-06:00

(This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of domesticity.)

This is Jack. He's a cutie, no? His mom, Lisa, gave me the coolest birthday present ever. She gave me FIVE domesticity lessons, in any domestic area of my choosing. Lisa is the queen of domesticity. I'm not even kidding. I'm thinking I'll cash in my lessons with cooking, obviously, because I'm severely lacking in that area. But so many of my friends seem to be riding the sewing band-wagon that I may sneak in one of those lessons. We'll see.

When we were talking about said domesticity lessons, cooking naturally came up. Lisa said we'd start with the basics, like boiling water.

Oy.

For the record, I know how to boil water.

Link-e-Dinks

2010-01-29T13:08:00.002-06:00

Just a couple of links to pass along to you...

Watermark Worldwide - Watermark's website dedicated to orphan care in Africa. You can sponsor a child, among other things. Also see what else Watermark is up to in Africa (providing clean water, educating Ugandan leaders, etc.).

Kisses from Katie - This girl lives in Africa. She's 21 and has adopted 12 little girls. What was I doing at 21? Certainly nothing that screamed the glory of God's grace like this. Amazing.

Go forth and read!

You Cut Me Deep, Steve...

2010-01-28T11:47:00.002-06:00

Yesterday Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the company's highly anticipated iPad. As a die-hard Apple fan (or an iSnob, as my brother calls me and my mom), I was not impressed. I mean, really, iPad? Couldn't come up with a better name than that? The device is basically a glorified iTouch.

I found Tim Challies' review to be particularly helpful in describing the shortcomings of the iPad. Click here.

Oh, Steve, I had such high expectations. Go-big-or-go-home expectations. You let me down, man. I'm hurt.

Domesticity

2010-01-22T10:58:00.003-06:00

I have a problem. I'm not the most domestic person in the world. I really feel for the guy I marry someday (should that ever happen) because I don't know how to cook. I feel like I would enjoy it if I did. My friends have undertaken to teach me here and there, but it stresses me out because I fear failure. How do they make it look so easy? And let's not talk about the sewing thing. Sarah made Laura a purse for her birthday. A PURSE! One of my other friends, also named Sarah, made her roommate Katie a snuggie for Christmas. Who are these people?!

I don't mind cleaning. Dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing counters and toilets...doesn't bother me so much. Sure, I'd rather read a book or watch a movie or something. But the thing I DESPISE is changing the sheets on my bed. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It's because I'm such a perfectionist and the sheets have to be perfect (even when I get in bed at night...they have to be nice and neat and orderly and smooth...weird, I know). Plus I have a duvet cover on my bed, and whenever I take it off to change my sheets and put it back on, it never looks quite right and I spend days obsessing over it. See? Perfectionist.

If I happen to get married someday I think I'm going to make a deal with my husband: I'll take up cooking if he promises to do the sheet thing 'til death parts us. Maybe work it into the vows or something, who knows.

On the flip side, my favorite domestic activity? Laundry, hands down. No clue why...

A Heart Like Hannah

2010-01-20T14:04:00.009-06:00

I love John 13:7. It says, "Jesus answered him, 'What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.'"

I'm finding myself in an "afterward" in one situation and a "now" in another. Such is life, right?

I know that the silences of God are purposeful, but I'm struggling with what to do in the midst of this current silence. I look at Sarah, who desperately wanted children. But she grew impatient and frustrated and despaired as she waited. She assumed that God's "silence" was inactivity. So what did she do? She took matters into her own hands and sought to create her own legacy by gaining children through Hagar. God did fulfill His promise to Sarah and Abraham to make them into a great nation, but it came with a heck of a lot of baggage as a result of Sarah’s impatience and refusal to trust Him.

Or I look at the Israelites as they waited for Moses to come down from Mount Sinai. Moses was up there a stinking long time. I would have grown frustrated and impatient too. What did they do? They turned to Aaron, and asked him to make gods for them, which he did. Not the best idea in the world, in hindsight.

But then I look at Hannah. I love her story in 1 Samuel 1. She, too, desperately wanted a child. She prayed for a child. She, however, despite being discouraged and grieved by God’s “silence,” recognized that there was nothing she could do to change her circumstances. She could only wait for the Lord to intervene on her behalf, which He did...1 Samuel 1:19 says “the Lord remembered her.” What kindness! Hannah didn’t attempt to take control of the situation the way Sarah did, she wasn't tempted to turn to other things when the Lord seemed far away. She gave herself to the only One who could satisfy her heart. What a beautiful testimony!

I pray that as I find myself in this season of waiting out God’s silence, waiting to get to the “afterward” to see what He’s been up to through this, that I would have Hannah’s heart – that I would surrender my heart and circumstances, trust His goodness and wisdom, and wait expectantly for Him to reveal His will!

Focus

2010-01-15T16:27:00.003-06:00

So I'm excited about 2010. The Lord has been really sweet in the last few weeks to give me a vision of what the focus of this year will be...what I'll be studying, examining in my heart, and chasing down in my life.

Are you ready for it? It's a good one.

Idolatry.

Sounds all biblical and Old Testament and scary, right? No, I don't have little stone statues throughout my house that I bow to everyday or anything. But I've discovered a lot in the last few months about how much I struggle with keeping this particular commandment- to have no other gods before the Lord, who has brought me out of the house of slavery (Exodus 20).

I'm currently working through Kelly Minter's Bible study, "No Other Gods," which is really challenging me to uncover the functional gods in my life. I profess God as my Lord and my Savior and my King, but I allow other things to function as Him in my heart and life. Things like people and relationships, control, comfort, perfectionism, etc. I'm referring to this as my "God-and-syndrome"...if I only had God and this (whether it's the acceptance and approval of certain people, a husband and family, control over my circumstances, to give the impression that I have my act together and thus prevent the pain of rejection when people see my weaknesses), then I would be satisfied and content. What lies!

I'm also reading "Counterfeit Gods" by Timothy Keller right now. Amazing book that's also challenging me to the core. He offers these thoughts...

“We think that idols are bad, but that is almost never the case. The greater the good, the more likely we are to expect that it can satisfy our deepest needs and hopes. Anything can serve as a counterfeit god, especially the very best things in life...What is an idol? It is anything more important to you than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give...An idol is whatever you look at and say, in your heart of hearts, ‘If I have that, then I’ll feel my life has meaning, then I’ll know I have value, then I’ll feel significant and secure.’ There are many ways to describe that kind of relationship to something, but perhaps the best one is worship...If anything becomes more fundamental than God to your happiness, meaning in life, and identity, then it is an idol.”

Killer, right? I have experienced the utter foolishness and, let's be honest, stupidity of seeking life and worth and value and significance in things and people other than the Lord. It's only led to heartache and pain. I'm praying Isaiah 44:20 over this season, that I would not be led astray by a deluded heart and thus not be able to recognize the lies and deception of the functional gods I'm allowing to take the place of the Lord in my life!

Challenged

2010-01-08T11:19:00.003-06:00

Have you read Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore?

If you haven't, you should. It's amazing. I don't know what took me so long to read it- I'd heard amazing things about it from tons of people. When Jennifer gave it to me for Christmas, I finally had a great reason to finally sit down and read it.

This book challenged me in so many ways. It challenged how I think about poverty and prosperity in America, in HUGE ways. It particularly challenged how I view friendship and community, and how I DO friendship and community. It challenged, or I should say further affirmed, my view of God's providence and sovereignty and goodness as I read about this special friendship and how only the Lord could have orchestrated the crossing of paths and intersection of stories for His fame and glory. And it's local- takes place right in the DFW area, for the most part.

So like I said, if you haven't read it- you should. :)

Long Overdue

2009-12-27T12:57:00.005-06:00

I feel like this post is long overdue.

Blog world, meet the community group...

From left to right: Robyn, Amber, Casey, me, Sarah, Ann. This picture was from our Christmas dinner/scarf exchange (which explains why we're all wearing scarves). Aren't we cute?

I've said this before on the blog, but I'll say it again: I have a love/hate relationship with this whole community thing. Not my group- I love them dearly- but the whole idea of being known and being real and letting people see my junk. Not a huge fan of it at all. Frankly, it scares me and most of the time I'd prefer not to participate.

God, however, isn't jiving with me on that.

Sometimes I feel like everyone else is in on the joke (so to speak) of what God's doing in my life except me. I know that's not true, but it seems that way sometimes. The Lord has used the girls in this group to teach me so much in the months that we've been doing life together. Talk about a crash course in learning how to do community! There really was no easing into it- he just kind of threw me in there and told me to start swimming. Awesome. Thanks, God. :)

I've always been someone who feels like I have to be perfect. I'd be the first to admit that I'm not, but I still feel like I have to be in order for people to love and accept me. And if I screwed up or showed any weaknesses at all, well, that's about the worst thing that could happen because it would mean rejection. Thankfully, the Lord has used community to completely shatter this idea in my head. I have found so much freedom in being able to live from where I'm at in any given moment with these girls- whether it's walking through some really difficult struggles, rejoicing in what the Lord is teaching me and how He's moving in my heart and my life, or throwing up my hands in frustration and saying, "What the crap?!" when I don't understand what's going on. I've learned VOLUMES about grace from these five girls- that it's ok not to be perfect, that it's ok to admit that I'm not perfect, that it's ok to struggle, that it's ok to hurt, that it's ok to be who I am where I am. I've learned about forgiveness and restoration and hope. I've learned that as much as it still terrifies me to let them see my weaknesses and where I fall unbelievably short in so many things, the only way to truly grow towards Christlikeness is in community with others who are also chasing after Him and will challenge and encourage me in my pursuit of Him.

I deeply love each of the girls the Lord has placed in this group. Casey oozes wisdom and insight- I think I may start calling her Yoda, just for fun. Robyn was kind enough to make Christmas Eve a little more bearable for me (though we agreed that was our little secret!). Amber throws ornaments at her roommate's cat...come on, how can you not love her for that? Ann's emails read like she talks, which always makes me laugh. And Sarah may seem quiet but she's one of the funniest people I know.

I am truly blessed by each of these girls, and I look forward to the ways the Lord is going to move in each of our lives and in our group as we continue living life together!

2009 Year in Review

2009-12-20T14:24:00.002-06:00

This has been quite a year. The year 2009 will not soon be forgotten. The Lord has blessed me abundantly this year. Wrapping up sixth grade and starting seventh grade with my sweet small group girls. The formation of my community group- no one could have prepared me for how instrumental those five girls would be in my life and what the Lord would teach me through them. I've been to Denver and Chicago. I've gotten to see my brother three times this year, which is really rare. I've joined the ranks of pet-owners around the world. I've been blessed by new friendships and weathered changes in others. I've seen God move in ways I never could have imagined, both in my life and the lives of people around me. It has, indeed, been a blessed year.

It's also been a hard year. A painful year. As I was journaling this morning I thought about some of the words I would use to describe my life and heart in 2009 as a whole. These are the ones I came up with:

Expose

Purge

Discipline

Captivity

Hope

Broken

Truth

Worship

Valley

Darkness

Light

Confusion

Community

Wilderness

Fear

Frustration

Wounded

Freedom

Joy

Change

Surrender

I've been praying for the Lord to give me a vision of what 2010 might look like. Given that some of the words above still characterize my heart and my life at the moment, it's been a little hard to see beyond the present. But I'm getting a sense that what he's been promising me - healing, restoration, redemption - will come to pass in the next 12 months. I don't know how he will bring it about or what it will look like, but I'm thankful for the hope I have in my Savior, my God who is a God of "I will!"

A few months ago I came across a quote by Charles Spurgeon that I included in one of my journal entries. I LOVE this quote, and include it now as a fitting way to end what's been a tumultuous year and look with hope to a new one...

"This is how to deal with God: Praise him before you are delivered. Praise him for what is coming. Adore him for what he is going to do. I do not think there is a sweeter song in God's ear than the song of one who blesses him for grace that has not yet been tasted, who blesses him for answers that have not yet been received but are sure to come. The praise for past gratitude is sweet, but even sweeter is the praise of full confidence that all will be well." -Spurgeon, "Beside Still Waters," p. 178

Soon and Very Soon

2009-12-15T18:46:00.002-06:00

I've been longing for heaven so much lately. Ready to depart from this world that's so full of pain, struggle, disappointment, questions, doubt, uncertainty, weariness, etc. Ready to be in the presence of my Savior, who restores all things to perfection. I can't wait for that day. To behold His glory, to see His face, to worship at His feet.

This past Sunday Todd wrapped up the Big 12 series with a message about the second Christmas- the second coming of Christ. As believers, this is our ultimate hope- the reason we're able to persevere in this life. This life is as bad as it gets for us. Praise Jesus! He is returning to make all things right. Though we have been saved from the penalty of sin if we have trusted in Christ, there will come a day, soon and very soon, when He is coming to rescue us from the presence of sin. Hallelujah!

We sang this song, Soon and Very Soon, that night. I LOVE it. Yes, Lord, soon and very soon...

Soon and very soon
My King is coming
Robed in righteousness
And crowned with love
When I see him
I shall be made like him
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon
I'll be going
To the place he has prepared for me
There my sin erased
My shame forgotten
Soon and very soon

I will be with the one I love
With unveiled face I'll see him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon
See the procession
The angels and the elders
Round the throne
At his feet i lay
My crowns, my worship
Soon and very soon

I will be with the one I love
With unveiled face i'll see him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Though I have not seen him
My heart knows him well
Jesus Christ the lamb
The lord of heaven

I will be with one I love
With unveiled face I'll see him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon...

'Tis the Season for Christmas Parties!

2009-12-13T19:50:00.009-06:00

This past Thursday we had our student ministry leaders' Christmas party. Always a good time, especially when David and Bode are showing off their chiseled chests. Right? Umm....we'll save that debate for later. :)

I shamelessly stole some pictures from the website. I'll do it again if Sarah ever posts hers. Enjoy!

Our amazing staff (left to right): David Marvin (intern), Mike (senior high), Braun (over all of student ministry), SarahBeth (admin), David Penuel (junior high), Bode (programs), Mel (women's staff), and Jarrod (worship). I am SO blessed to serve under the leadership of these amazing men and women!

They asked about 20 or so junior high and senior high students to be our servers for the evening. So sweet! After we were finished eating they came around and shared what their leaders mean to them and the impact they've had on their lives.

We got our picture snapped right when we walked in.

Our table (left to right): Lisa (new friend I met that night..she's so fun!), me, Sarah, Jen, Sarah, Laura, Stacy.

Robyn and Sarah are in my community group. I ADORE these girls.

The group. And believe it or not, quite a few leaders were actually missing from the party that night.

I love that the Lord is allowing me to serve alongside other believers who are passionate about seeing the hearts and lives of young people transformed by the grace of Jesus Christ. Words cannot begin to express how blessed I am. :)

Grasping & Clinging

2009-12-09T13:52:00.004-06:00

Here, in no particular order, are just a few of the verses/passages of Scripture the Lord has been using to speak sweet truth, encouragement, and/or conviction into my heart lately. I've been grasping and clinging to these words more than any other time in my life.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. -1 Peter 1:3-9

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised for those who love him. -James 1:12

Thus says the Lord: "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it; and find rest for your souls..." -Jeremiah 6:16

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another. -Isaiah 48:10-11

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned - every one - to his own way; and the Lord has laid upon him the iniquity of us all. -Isaiah 53:5-6

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose... What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? -Romans 8:28, 31-32

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed... For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. -2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all of their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:17-18

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. -Isaiah 43:2

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. -Isaiah 42:16

You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. -Psalm 32:7

For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. -Romans 3:20, 23-25

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. -Isaiah 26:3-4

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. -Romans 12:2

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I still trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. -Galatians 1:10

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. -Hebrews 12:11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might displace his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen. -1 Timothy 1:12-17

Sucked In

2009-12-08T10:21:00.007-06:00

I admit it: I've been sucked in.

I'm an avid reader. I'd rather read than do just about anything else. I've always been this way. BUT I'm rather picky about what I read. Always have been. This past summer I started seeing previews for the movie My Sister's Keeper and thought it looked really good, but I decided I wanted to read the book first (FYI: the book is always better than the movie...especially in this case, because they totally butchered the ending of the movie). So I picked up Jodi Picoult's novel and began reading. Totally sucked me in. Couldn't put it down. I can't say that about many books. After that, I picked up another of her books. And then another. And then another. I'm totally hooked. I love how she chooses to write about the things that are controversial in our culture today, and totally draws you into the characters' stories. By the time you're done reading, you may not see things as black-and-white as you did before (at least from a purely secular standpoint). I'm looking forward to continuing on with her other books. Here are the ones I've read so far:

My Sister's Keeper: One sister is conceived and genetically engineered to save her other sister's life. What happens when she no longer wants the job?

Nineteen Minutes: School shooting. Who's to blame, the shooter or the kids who spent years bullying him?

Handle with Care: A child is born with a condition that could have been discovered early enough in the pregnancy for her parents to consider terminating. Can you consider it a wrongful birth when that child is alive and part of your life?

Perfect Match: Prosecutor learns her son has been sexually abused and murders her son's alleged abuser, their priest. What happens when she learns the priest was innocent? Will justice be served?

I recommend all of these books, although they've all been difficult to read at some points. Not for the faint of heart. But thought-provoking, nonetheless!

Christmas Tunes

2009-12-08T06:41:00.002-06:00

I'm finally getting into the spirit of Christmas and listening to Christmas music. Don't know why it's taken me so long, but it has. These two albums are probably my all-time favorites:

Behold the Lamb of God: The True Tall Tale of the Coming of Christ by Andrew Peterson

I could write up a review of this one, but I'm sending you over to Heather Hendrick's blog (here) to read hers. Because she makes me laugh. And I respect her immensely.

Next up:

Rose of Bethlehem by Selah

I LOVE Selah. Anything they release is pure gold in my book, including this album.

Off you go to the iTunes store to download! :)

Chi-Town '09

2009-12-07T08:27:00.002-06:00

Here are links to the pictures from our family trip to Chicago this past weekend. Maybe at some point I'll actually sit down and blog about the trip. But for now...

Click here to go to my MobileMe web gallery.

Click here to go to my mom's.

(A lot of the pictures are the same, FYI).

Things that give me warm fuzzies...

2009-12-01T11:35:00.002-06:00

I'm stealing this idea from Sarah. Don't worry, she won't mind. I promise. :)

Things that have been making me happy lately...

• Shane and Shane's new album, "Everything is Different." I've already done a blog post on this, but I've fallen even more in love with this album since then. If you haven't downloaded it yet, we're no longer friends. Just saying.

• Elf. Because it kicks off the Christmas season for me. I'm pretty sure I've watched it at least six or seven times in the last two weeks.

• Cold weather! Given that we get it for such a short time here in Texas every year, I relish it when it comes. I'm still convinced God wants me to live in Colorado someday. Maybe it'll be sooner rather than later. Been contemplating that one a lot lately.

• Bones re-runs. There are a few shows I can watch over and over and over again and never get tired of, and Bones is one of them. I've been enjoying re-watching seasons 3-4 lately. FYI: other shows I can never get tired of include House, Gilmore Girls, and Alias.

• Sophie. She's been uber cuddly lately and I LOVE it. :)

• Community. I'll be honest- I have a love/hate relationship with this whole "being known" thing, but I've been so thankful lately for the friends the Lord has brought into my life and the way He encourages me and challenges me through them.

• Speaking of friends, getting to hang out and laugh with friends. So refreshing.

So what about you? What's making you happy these days?

Anticipation

2009-11-25T03:33:00.002-06:00

I am eagerly anticipating the release of this book in May:

"I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy" by Angie Smith

You can click the "I'm a Sunday/Bring the Rain" button over on the right to go to Angie's blog and read her story. It's amazing. She and her husband Todd (singer in the group Selah, one of my favorites) found out when they were expecting their fourth daughter, Audrey, that she had conditions making her incompatible with life. Opting against doctors' suggestions to abort, they chose to trust the Lord with their daughter's life. Audrey lived for two and a half hours after she was born. Angie has blogged their entire journey- from learning of Audrey's diagnosis, through the pregnancy, her death, grieving, and now sharing in the experience of expecting another child. And she has given much glory to Jesus Christ in all of it. The Father has indeed redeemed a dark and seemingly hopeless situation by drawing many to Himself through Audrey's story.

You can pre-order the book here.

Also, just for fun, if you scroll down to the bottom to my music playlist you can listen to "I Will Carry You," the song they wrote for Audrey and that is featured on Selah's latest album.

Watermark Conspiracy

2009-11-24T14:29:00.002-06:00

Are you in?

Watermark Conspiracy 2009 from Watermark Community Church on Vimeo.

Visit Watermark Conspiracy for more info.

Manhattan Declaration

2009-11-22T19:29:00.002-06:00

Our pastor, Todd Wagner, was part of a group of Christian leaders that met in New York back in September to discuss and address some key issues that Christians in our nation are facing and being called to stand up for. The three issues are the sanctity of human life, the dignity of marriage as the conjugal union of husband and wife, and the rights of conscience and religious liberty. They drafted what is called the Manhattan Declaration. Go here to read the declaration and sign it (if you so choose).

Other leaders who were part of this process include Wayne Grudem, James Dobson, Mark Bailey, Tim Keller, Richard Land, Josh McDowell, Albert Mohler, Russell Moore, and J.I. Packer, just to name a few (and I stress few).

Happy reading, reflecting, praying, and (perhaps) signing!

What It Feels Like

2009-11-19T11:48:00.002-06:00

I'm apparently on a blogging roll lately. This means that a blogging drought is probably on the horizon. Just saying. :)

I've recently discovered a song by the group FFH that I've fallen in love with. It's called "What It Feels Like." It perfectly describes so much of where I've been in my relationship with the Lord and in life in the last several months. Love it, love it, love it. Check out the lyrics:

"What It Feels Like"

So this is what it feels like to walk the wilderness
And this is what it feels like to come undone
So this is what it feels like to lose my confidence
Unsure of anything or anyone

So this is what it feels like to walk the desert sand
And this is what it feels like to hear my name
And to be scared to death 'cause I'm all alone
But feel love and peace just the same

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
So this is what it feels like to have it fall apart
To be totally unglued
And find out if I accept my brokenness
I get more of me, I get all of you

If this is what if feels like to be on shaky ground
Careful of every step I take
Realizing as I stop to look around
I look around and see everything a different way

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
'Cause I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like to be led
So this is what it feels like to just walk away
From everything I thought kept me safe
To depend just on you for every meal
And find it's better this way
Oh it's better this way

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
And this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like...

Good, right? :)

We Will Never Forget: 11/18/1999

2009-11-18T13:40:00.004-06:00

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the collapse of Bonfire at A&M. I was a junior in high school when it happened. I remember my mom coming into my room early that morning and waking me up by simply saying, "Something bad happened in College Station. Get up." Having many friends at A&M at that point (including my then sister-in-law's brother, who was in the the Corps), I jumped out of bed to find out what happened. While I had known for years at that point that I wanted to go to A&M, it was that day that I realized that I was already an Aggie.

Amanda Jones wrote a beautiful blog post about the day that Bonfire collapsed. You can go read it here.

Join me in praying for the families of the 12 Aggies who lost their lives that day. We will never forget.

Diggin' It

2009-11-18T10:32:00.002-06:00

So I've discovered that I'm very odd when it comes to music. There are very few people/groups that I like or love enough to download a whole album. I think I'm just picky. Anyway, Shane & Shane recently released their newest album "Everything is Different." I LOVE Shane and Shane. I have since my freshman year of college when I was first introduced to the duo when they lead worship at Breakaway. But I have to be honest when I say that I just haven't enjoyed any of their albums as much as I have enjoyed the "Psalms" album. It's one of my all-time faves. "Everything is Different," however, is pretty spectacular. It's working its way up there. You should hit up iTunes and go download it. :)

More Pine Cove (because it's just fun)

2009-11-16T18:56:00.001-06:00

Here's the highlight video!

You Got Brooke Took! (PC '09)

2009-11-14T17:12:00.002-06:00

Here's a fun little video our staff put together of prank night from Pine Cove. Last year began with simply "You got took!" This year it progressed to you "You got Brooke took!" when they enlisted the help of an 8th grader. Genius. :)

I was "lucky" enough to get Brooke Took this year- apparently, according to David, I looked like a kid. Thanks. ;) See if you can pick me out in the video. Oh, and the girl who gets up and starts talking about her lost sock while she's still asleep, that's my sweet Molly. I was awake during that exchange. Pure entertainment. :)

Enjoy!

What kind of joy is this?

2009-11-10T17:57:00.003-06:00

So I have this friend named Becky. We met when I was a sophomore in college and went on to be roommates our junior year. Becky loves Jesus with a fierce passion. She also reads the dictionary for fun and likes to eat frozen peas and carrots. How can you not love someone who likes to read the dictionary for fun AND likes to eat frozen peas and carrots, right? :) Becky later went on to marry my friend Kevin. I went to junior high and high school with Kevin and his twin brother, Chris. Kevin was actually my date to cheer banquet my freshman year of high school. How's that for a small world? Kevin and Becky are serving the Lord overseas. You should check out their blog (here)- they have some pretty entertaining stories.

For Christmas our junior year of college, Becky gave me this little plaque/frame thing that she made that had the words of a song on it (notice I said she made the thing...how do I always manage to surround myself with people who are more crafty than me?!). I still have this sweet little frame sitting on my bookshelf. I'll treasure it forever. The song is called "Joy Unspeakable" and Todd Agnew has recently released his version of this song. I LOVE it! Take a moment and read through the words...

I’ve found his grace is all complete
He supplies my every need
While I sit and learn at Jesus’ feet
I am free indeed

What kind of joy is this?

It’s joy unspeakable

All you’ve done for me
It’s indescribable

Just a taste of your glory
And it’s unnatural

Not to tell the story of all you’ve given me
My words are incomplete
It’s joy unspeakable.

I’ve found the pleasure I once craved
It’s joy and peace within
What a wondrous blessing
I am saved from the awful gulf of sin

It’s joy unspeakable

All you’ve done for me
It’s indescribable

Just a taste of your glory
It’s unnatural

Not to tell the story of all you’ve given me
My words are incomplete.

I’ve found the joy no tongue can tell
How its waves of glory roll
It is like an overflowing well
Springing up within my soul

It’s joy unspeakable

All you’ve done for me
It’s indescribable

Just a taste of your glory
And it’s unnatural

Not to tell the story of all you’ve given me
My words are incomplete
It’s joy unspeakable.

Joy unspeakable
What kind of joy is this?

If you've been reading my blog lately, then you know that the last several months have just been hard. The past several weeks have been infinitely harder as the Lord has brought me to my knees before Him and shown me just how desperately sick my heart is and how desperately I continually need a Savior. Being disciplined and refined by the Lord is NOT a fun process. But through it all, there has been a peace and joy that have transcended the sorrow over sin and its consequences. I don't say that lightly- the sorrow has been deep and it's been heavy. However, God's mercy and grace have been there to meet me at every point, supplying joy and peace to remind me that He is present with me as I walk this journey.

This season has been so very difficult. And it's not over yet. But as I was sharing with Angela today, I would not trade the last five months (or whatever lies ahead) for anything in the world. The Lord has come out of nowhere, it seems, and has completely blown me away by how He has pursued the heck out of my heart. By how He has led and guided me deeper into His own heart.

My words are incomplete....it's joy unspeakable.

Check her out!

2009-11-07T20:28:00.003-06:00

I have to confess that I shamelessly stole this video from Andrea's blog. But I've lost count of how many times I've watched it. What can I say? It makes me smile. I've needed to smile lately. Ella's always good for that. :)

Check her out in all her sweet Ella glory!

(Note: Scroll down to the bottom and pause the music before watching).

Pine Cove '09

2009-11-03T09:13:00.003-06:00

This past weekend we headed out to Pine Cove with about 200 junior high students. We had a ton of fun! Recon, Color Clash Calamity, and the Halloween party/dance were all big hits, to be sure. Highlights of the weekend for me: passing a kidney stone, my first bee sting, and one of my girls accepted Christ! It was an exhausting weekend, but I had a blast getting out of town and playing with my girls- they are such a blessing to me!

Enjoy some pictures and video from the weekend!

Video: This group of 8th grade girls kept us highly entertained on the bus on Friday night (one of their sisters is in my group). Sadly, I didn't get their rendition of Golddigger on video, but it was the highlight of my weekend.

I got some video of the dance on Saturday, but they're too dark to really see. My favorite was the one of the Hoedown Throwdown, mainly because there were more leaders on stage throwin' down the hoe than there were kids. Awesome. So sad I can't share that one with you. It's priceless.

Who knew?

2009-10-27T06:42:00.002-05:00

I do this all the time. Apparently it's bad. So if you're doing it, stop.

Click here.

What's Mastering You?

2009-10-23T15:00:00.006-05:00

This post by Beth Moore over on the Living Proof Ministries blog came at a God-ordained time for me. Specifically, this paragraph really hit home:

“Everything is permissible for me” – but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me” – but I will not be mastered by anything.

Something may be permissible that has grown out of proportion until it has ceased to be beneficial. It has taken a place of mastery. Authority. We feel enslaved to it. Maybe some of us can actually go from addiction straight to moderation but most of us have to actually stop the thing for a while to give the power over us time to break. Then, if our flesh dies down about it and we can manage to rediscover that beautiful thing called moderation, we can reintroduce it. IF we will employ the strength of the Holy Spirit within us to command it to behave and keep its place. I’ve had a few other things in my life, things that offered no benefit whatsoever, that simply had to be cast out for good. And, after I could get over those first pangs of craving, I gladly said good riddance.

It's not easy realizing you're being mastered by something. Even if that something isn't necessarily something bad. Good things can master us too.

So what's mastering you? What needs to be put in its place?

God of Our Yesterdays

2009-10-19T08:15:00.003-05:00

Apparently it's music time here on the blog.

Angela reminded me of a really sweet song this weekend that I just needed to listen to. Over and over and over again. Thanks, Ang. :) It's "God of Our Yesterdays" by Matt Redman. I remember bawling the first time I heard it a couple of years ago. Still makes me cry every time.

When we were in the darkest night
And wondered if our eyes would ever see the light
You were there, Lord
When we were in the stormy gale
And wondered if we'd ever live in peace again
You were there, Lord
You were there in the struggle
You were there in the fight
You were there all the time

We praise You - the God of our yesterdays
We praise You - the God who is here today
We praise You - our God, as tomorrow comes

So whatever lies ahead
Whatever roads our grateful hearts will come to tread
You'll be there, Lord
We will fix our eyes on You
And know that there is grace enough to see us through
You'll be there, Lord
You'll be there in the struggle
You'll be there in the fight
You'll be there all the time

We praise You - the God of our yesterdays
We praise You - the God who is here today
We praise You - our God, as tomorrow comes

We thank you - for grace in our yesterdays
We thank you - for peace in our hearts
We thank you - for joy, as tomorrow comes
We will trust you, God

You're always closer than we know
Always more involved and in control
We will trust our lives to You -
The One who was and is and is to come...

What Do I Know of Holy

2009-10-16T06:29:00.003-05:00

I really love this song by Addison Road. It's called "What Do I Know of Holy."

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, no
If You touched my face, would I know You?
Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

It's MY blog and I'll do what I want to!

2009-10-13T00:56:00.005-05:00

It has become necessary for me to make some changes here on the old blog. It seems my post last week about Dr. Craig attracted some lurkers (who likely just Googled his name and followed where it led), and I ended up with some anonymous comments. Not a big deal, except when I went to delete them one of them came back and decided to challenge my integrity because I opted not to get roped into a philosophical discussion (which was not the intention of my post in the first place). So because this is my blog and I can do whatever the heck I want to (and I don't enjoy my relationship with Jesus being called into question by a nameless stranger simply because I choose to delete comments that I think are unnecessary and not worth pursuing), anonymous comments are no longer allowed and comment moderation has been enabled. If you have a Google account, you can log-in with that and comment that way. The one has ruined it for the many. How very Adamic.

And to prove that I won't back down from intellectual debate/discussion, here's my current read:

"God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything" by Christopher Hitchens. My brother was reading this when he was here back in August and just finished it. He asked me to read it and give me his insights. Hitchens is an atheist, and in this book basically asserts that religion, as the subtitle says, poisons everything. I've read the first chapter- Hitchens is an engaging writer. But my heart hurts for the guy. He has no awareness of how desperately he needs the Savior. It will be interesting to see his ideas and engage with my brother as I read the rest of the book.

It's almost time again...

2009-10-13T00:48:00.003-05:00

Our junior high Pine Cove retreat is just around the corner on Halloween weekend...

Pine Cove Retreat 09 Promo from Watermark Student Ministries on Vimeo.

This year's theme is "I Know What You Did in Junior High." I believe we have nine or ten girls from our small group going. I'm not sure we'll all fit in one cabin. A couple of us may be sleeping in sleeping bags on the bathroom floor. I can't wait to get away for the weekend and play with my girls!

Waiting...

2009-10-10T20:06:00.002-05:00

I can't wait until my girls are in high school and we can go to Camp Barnabas together... I'm so ready for them to experience this and to experience it with them!

Camp Barnabas from Steve V on Vimeo.

Things heard at small group...

2009-10-08T11:37:00.003-05:00

I love my Wednesday nights. LOVE them. I get to hang out with the coolest 7th grade girls on the planet. They are full of energy and get excited about everything. Literally.

I have one girl, Molly, who I feel will be "that girl." She says the most random, hilarious things during Bible study. If you've been reading the blog for very long, you may remember last year when I blogged about one of my girls thinking that the Ten Commandments included "the right to bear arms or something." That was my sweet Molly.

Last night was no exception. We were checking in with the girls about how they're doing on their memory verses. One of them is Philippians 2:3-4. They all start trying to recite it at the same time and Molly shouts, louder than the others of course, "Do nothing from the kindness of your heart!" She paused because she was trying to think of the rest of the verse and couldn't figure out why we were laughing. Then she realized what she had said. It was a priceless moment. Priceless moment number two came later when she referred to God as a stalker who never goes away. Awesome.

Oh, Molly. She provides such entertainment for me. I can't wait until she's a senior and I can re-live all of these moments at her expense. :)